It is with the heaviest heart and with the deepest sadness that I held my best friends hand and watched her take her last breaths August 1st at 1:37am.
Today was the first full day without her. It's been 18 days since your mom called me that Monday morning to tell me you were in ICU, and my life will never be the same. I knew the moment the phone rang, it wasn't good.
Debra, Deeb, Aunti, Debi, bestie, blondemaid, and Deb. She was and is the most important person that has ever come into my life. I know that's a strong statement, but it's one I will always stand by. Without the love and constant support from her and her family, I would be a completely different person than I am today.
I spent most of my day trying to hold it together. I spent most of my day scrolling old photos of us over and over and over. Photos I've seen a million times but I could look at a million more. I would look at the photos and wish that somehow we would be able to take more photos just like the ones I was holding so dear to my heart.
I don't know when I will be able to function on a normal level again, I'm sure I will spend many more days looking up at the sky and talking to you and wishing you were here. But, I can promise you this, not a moment will be wasted on loving this oh so beautiful life in honor of the joy and happiness you brought into my life and to Finn's life. We will honor you by truly loving every breath we take; the good, the bad and everything in between.
These are small moments of our day, the first day without you in it. I miss you and I love you. #thedailymoments
I was standing in the kitchen talking to my mom when he came in from playing outside with daddy. He ran up to me yelling, "mama, mama!" I said, "yes baby boy, what is it?" Before I could even finish my sentence, he looked up at me with a much quieter voice and said gently, "I promise. Mama, big promise." I smiled and said, "ok, that's sweet, what is it that you promise my love?" He said, "I PROMISE, I'll make you all better."
I glanced up with a tear in my eye at my husband who was coming in just as the whole conversation was over, and I said, "Did you tell him to say that?" He looked at me confused and said, "Say what?" I stopped in my tracks, picked him up, sat him on the counter and squeezed the living daylights out of my gentle and kind child. And in that moment, I knew I would get through this.
These days most of us are living busy over-scheduled lives. It's easy to lose track of the moments that really matter, which can often be the most ordinary parts of our days. In the midst of all the responsibilities of our day, we need to remember to check in with ourselves so that we don't lose sight of who we really are and what is really important to us. This series, #TheDailyMoments was started by my good friend @steph.pollock and as soon as I saw her first post, and when she said,
It's these small moments that make up a lifetime of beautiful ones,
I knew this was something I needed to join in on.
Just as Steph did, I am inviting you to do the same, join us in this movement of letting life be more enjoyable just by letting it be exactly what it is. Tag your photos with #thedailymoments so we can all share in the joy of the simple moments that make up a lifetime of happiness.